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When you think you have lost everything by Bambi Lynn

A couple nights ago, I had come back home from my daughter's house. She had a Galentine party for her friends and invited me. We laughed and enjoyed each other's company. Might have been that margarita drinks she made. She had a waffle bar with all the trimmings. Such a great time.

 I had to drive home in the treacherous rain. I couldn't see the road and swamp ditches on both sides. I was told there was tornado watches all over the county. All the rain reminded me when I first drove to Georgia with my grandsons, when my daughter and her family were going to the next duty station. I have decided I would rather drive in the snow, in Buffalo than all this rain in the south. The rain always comes down like it has a bone to pick with you, Like a vendetta with you. Not a soft rain to sooth the soul but, a hard rain to rattle you to the core. When I got to the highway the rain paused for moments. I just kept praying that the rain would stop long enough for me to clean out my backseat with all my daughter's stuff she gave me for my Valentines Dinner.  I didn't want to be drenched and all the stuff be soaked, that I couldn't use it. My prayers were definitely answered as I drove into my apartment complex and the rain had subsided.

 When I pulled in a police officer car was patrolling the area, I tried to stop him to ask about the junk that had been piling up near the garbage dumpster for over a month. But I couldn't stop him. I continued to bring my stuff inside when I heard someone scream "Get Out." Just thought it was a couple fighting, happens a lot. but then there was a huge bang, like a bomb went off and then another bang. I ran to my back porch to see a building go up in flames. Everyone was outside on their porches standing in disbelief. What could anyone do, as we watch people's belongings being turned into ashes? I have never been that close before to a fire that took everything you found so dear and would displace you with nothing that was yours to bring you comfort in the coming days ahead.

 I have experience loss of everything in a different way. I have been clouded and I can't see straight kind of loss years ago, that to this day still affects me. I get emotional whenever I talk about it and even think about it. That was the loss of my daughters, they moved in with their dad because they couldn't handle the abuse that they were witnessing in our home by my ex-husband. The ripple effect of that day still continues today. The relationships continue to struggle. So much was lost that day and has never been recovered. That pain was so deep that my body struggle to survive and put me into menopause at a ripe old age of 32. Those days were dark. I thought I had lost everything.

Another time I had experience great loss, The kind of loss you don't get back, was when My ex-husband decided to throw away things that were precious to me. Out of a fit of angry, he chose to take something from me that was so dear. A box that held my very first Bible, that was given to me as a little girl. I had lost years of journals, where all my thoughts went that I couldn't explain. My words in those journals were my tears and my why questions of my life. Those journals were my lifeline that I wasn't going crazy, and God was working all things out. That box had my oldest daughter scrapbook that I had made for her, it was all the precious pictures and little pieces of paper that I had kept telling her story on, how precious she was to me. That even though she came from brokenness. I wanted her to know how loved she was. That was her story and now it was gone into a fire and a dumpster like she wasn't valuable. I was crushed because I couldn't pull those valuables out of fire as they were now ashes.

    Isaiah 61:3 - To appoint unto them that, mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they might be called the trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord that he might be glorified.


Psalms 56:9- My enemies will turn back on the day when I call, this I know that God is for me, and God shall wipe away all my tears and shall be no more death, neither sorrow, no crying, neither shall there be any more pain.

 When I was going through so much pain in my life, I would read these verses and think, "Okay let's see" I would think this doesn't happen, it's just words on a piece of paper, but nothing that could mend my broken heart. As My walk with God continues to mature, I do see his hand. I do experience his love. I can see that Life continues on and he continues to shower his love over us. Neither one of these verses tells us things will be okay, that life is full of gardens and unicorns, but it does say that he will bring comfort to me. I will never get back those things in my life. The people who lost everything in the fire in my complex will not have anything back that turned to ashes. They may be able to find something in the rubble, but for the most part it is gone. They have the memories of some of that stuff. I have the memories of the things that were taken away from me. I won't get those moments with my daughters that were taken from me and I won't have that special Bible to pass down to my children. My heart aches for these people who lost everything, coming back to the apartment and seeing nothing that resembles what was theirs that brought them comfort of home.

I am beginning to see that God does work things out for good. My second book, "The Treasures of My Heart" was the starting point where I began see the God Winks throughout my heartache. Sometimes I had to look deep because I didn't want to see. I wanted to stay in my brokenness and feel like he didn't care. But, as you begin to let Go, you can see he has weaved treasures through our lives. he is continually restoring things back to us. I may never get those "things" back in my life but, I have received the joy during the trial, and the dancing after a storm. I have been given a glimpse into the heart of my father. How big is the father's heart? big enough to carry your tears and turn your ashes into beauty.


 My apartment complex did send out an email asking for donations for the families that lost everything. I made sure I was the first to clean house in my apartment, to help in the beauty for ashes. 



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This is Beautiful..written as if I seen everything happening now just merely reading words. Thank you for sharing

Tammy Yarington

Sad. Makes my heart ache. I am able to understand your pain. While I’m not really estranged from my children, we rarely have contact. A txt or a call here and there. I am close to a few of my 21 grands, and 2 great grands but not even close to a quarter of them.
The oldest ones, yes. They remember spending time with me when little… before they all left NY for better jobs. This wasn’t the way I ever thought it would be, but in reality, it’s the way it is. I enjoy conversing with them when they call or txt but they are far and few. Always busy. Lives of their own.
I remember how I was at their age. Always busy. Working, sometimes 2 jobs, taking care of a house and 4 boys, in the middle of some remodeling project…missing birthday celebration’s of grandparents or picnics Or Christmas’s at relatives homes. Don’t really believe in Karma but I do know that what goes around comes around…..regrets, lots of them. Most of those people are gone now. I think of them, and my heart hurts. Tears well up… those moments are gone and I can’t get them back. Now I feel how they must have felt
Maybe Karma is real after all


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