Jealousy got in the Way by Bambi Lynn

Throughout my life I never really considered April, she was my dad's daughter. To me that is all she had ever been. I did not consider her my family, let alone my sister. I spent years keeping her at a distant thought in my life, I didn't hate her but, I was jealous of her. I was jealous because I was told my dad stopped drinking when my parents finally gave up their abusive marriage and went their separate ways. 

I had dreamed up this story, how my dad would come home from work and pick her up and swing this little girl around and get on the floor and play with her. All the things he never did with me. I made up stories in my head, I knew my dad didn't want me or like me. So, I thought she was the daughter he always wanted. never to think of me again. She was his princess as I was his afterthought.

I had been told my whole life that my dad cheated on my mom with April's mom. That and his alcohol is what made my mom finally pack up our bags and put everything in a U-Haul and head back to New York from Chesapeake, Virginia. I was ten and happy to go back to my grandma's house. I never wanted to come back with my dad in the first place. I knew at eight that nothing would have changed, but my mom wanted to try one more time. I don't hold any grudges for that decision, as I had to make some tough decisions when my children were young. We do what we think is best and sometimes in those decisions we find they were poor ones.

I didn't know April as a child, I just figured it out that we are actually thirteen years difference in age. So, some things don't add up. We may never know the truth as both our dad and her mom have since passed away. But, with such an age difference I didn't have to go on visits with my dad like my youngest brother did. I wouldn't have recognized her if she walked right by me in a store. It helped me to feed into my stories that she was well taken care of and living a great life with my dad.  I was still his forgotten daughter.

Years past and we found each other on Facebook, I can say the friend request was out of curiosity not to get to know her but, to get the scoop. It would still take a while for me to message her and ask questions. We met once at her house with my dad and other brother and sister. It was a good visit but, nothing that kept the relationship getting off the ground or a spark to continue. More time would pass. but finally, one day I decided to write her and then it never stopped. We both had so many questions for each other. Both of us were trying to put the pieces together of our own lives and felt that we held some of each other's pieces. A bond began to grow, not as sisters but, as beginning friends. I began to learn that my stories I made up were truly made-up dreams that never came true. We both experience such heartache and brokenness, and our lives ran parallel of the pain of a broken dad. We both had stories that had many similarities that made us laugh and cry all at the same time. I couldn't write fast enough, and she couldn't respond any faster. Healing started through those messages. forgiveness and repentance started to take place in my heart for the judgement I had towards a little girl, that all she did was to be born to my dad and her mom. never did I look at her life when I judged her. I was just so broken that I couldn't see beyond that.

I wrote my story, in the published book, "The Journey of Josephine" April purchased the book and even went to my book Launch party at my friend's house. I was stunned by her bravery to come and meet not as friends but claim each other as sisters. We had had so many conversations that we knew how alike we were and how blessed we were to be connected with each other. After my launch party we went to our Aunt Nancy's house and pieced more pieces together. She knew so much about our lives, that evening we laughed so hard and found again family. Felt good sitting around a table with people that you share the same DNA and you "get" each other better than others would. I would drive back home with a peace that I hadn't felt in years.

I had no idea that when I drove away April would end up having a year of lots of trials and heartache, as again she would have to be available to take care of our dad as he would begin the journey of meeting heaven soon. Our dad isn't an easy man to deal with and April had no one else to take care of him. her mental state, personal life and family life would take a toll on her, as she ran back and forth to the nursing home, dealt with his temper and screaming at her about his money and wanting to go back home to his "unfit for living trailer" nothing could prepare anyone for death and April did it alone. We would talk often, and she would keep me updated. I knew she was tired emotionally and physically. But she journeyed on because she was all he had and no help. I was blessed that she would read a letter that I wrote my father.  It was closure for me. I knew his time would come to an end soon. I am so grateful for April of never giving up even when she wanted to. I am grateful that she finished the race with our father till the end. She endured and truly can put her head up high for never giving up on him. She laid him to rest and began the healing process of now having both parents gone.

April and I have slowly taken the time to become sisters. Not just by DNA, because that we can't deny, as her daughter, my niece thinks we look alike and act alike. I do see so many similarities with the way we approach life and parenting and the laughter we share together. 

When I went back to Buffalo this past week, I wanted to spend some time with my sister, we didn't know how it would be and if our only connection and topic of conversation would only be that of our dad. but we were game. To our surprise we never missed a beat. We laughed a lot and had great conversation that flowed about other things beside our dad. She took me on a side-by-side through the woods and mud puddles. We went and visited our aunt Nancy and cousin Mike again and laughed so hard, we visited the place that my dad was laid to rest. He wanted to be buried on the property he grew up on and shared childhood memories with his brothers and sister. the ashes lay to rest at a place he felt the most at peace. We went out to a movie together and breakfast. I am so blessed that I said," yes" to having a sister and a friend in April. Blood brought us together but, so much more will keep us connected.

Life is hard!! Some of the decisions our parents made affected us deeply. But, as my new book, "The treasures of my Heart" continues to show me, in the mist of the storms God is hiding treasures for such a time that we need them in our lives and April is one of those.