Sometimes you are only a Planter, not the Harvester, Written by Bambi Lynn

I became a single mom for the first time in September of 1996. I had four little girls, no job, and no sense of purpose. What was I going to do with my life? My dreams were all wrapped up in getting married and living a life that would lead us to rocking chairs and a porch at the end of life. Now all that was gone, I was at a crossroads to make and dream of other things.

I had a desire to bring in other children in my home. I decided to take the foster care course. I wanted to touch lives that were worse than ours and also teach my daughters how to give outside of ourselves. I also needed an income to help me to stay home to continue to homeschool my daughters and try to make things as normal as I could. We first were a respite home. Where foster parents would call us when they wanted some rest or had emergency that they needed to take care of, or they were leaving the state for vacations and were not allowed to take foster children. 

We got our first call for a child to come into our home when we moved to Buffalo. I had asked for no child older than my oldest. She was ten and the first girl who came into our home was fifteen. She walked in our door angry and bitter. She wore gothic clothes and black finger polish. I was in for a wild ride and I second guessed our decision. My daughters loved her. The doted over her and asked her lots of questioned and she seemed to love the attention. The outer position was soon softened by my daughters love for her. She became family to us. The courts even allowed her to be homeschooled. We were in a great routine, and she fit into of family like a glove and ball. The goal was always for her to go back home to her mom and when that day came, we were happy but yet sadden because she had brought so much to our family. The day she left, she replaced the black finger polish for a hot pink, that my daughter painted on her fingers. We had gone shopping for her, so her outfit was a shock to her mom, the day she picked her up because she had fitted jeans and a pretty top and her makeup was soft and made her eyes pop out. I don't know who hugged us longer her mom or our dear foster child. That was a bittersweet day. One that has always been etched into my heart. We thought If we can touch one, we were sure there was someone else who needed our home.

We received another phone call about a month later for another teenage girl. {didn't they get the memo, that I only wanted children the age of my oldest or younger?} My oldest was ten. We weren't going to take away the opportunity for someone to come into our home, so we said yes. The girls and I were excited because we loved the last girl who was in our home, and she loved us and our family dynamics. We knew the moment the girl was dropped off that something was different. We can feel her energy. We could feel her hurt and her distance. My heart went out to her and nothing the girls did would get her to even crack a smile. She had been through some stuff, and she wasn't letting anyone in for nothing. We had family dinners together and she just sat and ate without a word. We had reading time and movie nights but nothing could get her to open up. One time she even asked, why are you so happy and nice? She was with us for three weeks and her sponsor called and said, she couldn't handle the friendliness of our household and wanted to be moved. I was crushed until her sponsor told us a little bit of her life and what she had been through. She didn't experience much love and was left alone all the time and didn't even have her basic needs met. Her sponsor assured us, we did the best we could and that she had to be willing to open up and do the work. At this time, she wasn't willing. Makes you feel like a failure that you couldn't touch her life and bring peace to it.

About a year had gone by and my daughters and I were going to a women's homeless shelter and helping each week with a children's time. The children went to school in the shelter because some of them didn't know the direction their family was going and some were in hiding. I also ministered to the women and had such sweet fellowship with each one of them. I hadn't gone through my domestic abuse at this time, so my heart was broken and didn't know why they stayed and why they let things get so far in the relationship and abuse. I would find out later. We brought baked goods and pies that my daughters and I made the night before and my girls would give a little concert to the women. Some of the best times in my life.

One of those evenings that we were there, one of the girls that was at our house was there with a new baby. My daughters and I both looked at each other with big bold eyes coming out of our heads. We were shocked and then she noticed us. The girls were singing but, when it ended, we walked over to her. The atmosphere was a little thick at first but then we started talking about her new baby. The girls wanted to hold the baby and wanted to love it. I started asking questions and realized she was so bitter with life. I felt for her because everything after her leaving our home brought more lies and struggles to her life. She experienced so much more heartache and brokenness I learned at that moment that we are the seed planters not the harvester.

I have sat through many messages and sermons in my life. One that sticks in my mind is when someone had a chain with twenty-two chain links attached. The purpose of the word picture is to show that a person has twenty-two times that they hear the gospel before they accept Jesus. We never know where our stories and our testimonies to someone falls within that chain link. We all feel defeated if we feel someone doesn't listen or we think they didn't hear. There are also times we get down on ourselves because someone didn't heed the warning. If I have learned one thing in my life, we plant the seeds and God does the rest. This isn't a contest for us. but it is that God sent his Son for all, we didn't. We are to share our testimony and God does the rest. There may be times in your walk that you are sharing further down the chain link. it is closer for this soul to surrender. I wish I could say what happened after that day. When I called back to find out what happened to this girl, all we did was shower her with the only love we knew, they didn't know where she was after she left.

Another lesson I have learned over the years with helping with the broken, is all might not want to be "fixed". Not everyone thinks they have a problem and not everyone wants what you have to offer. We still go on and share and help heal the little boy or girl that is hiding. We still pour out love even to those that say they don't want it. We are to show love to people that won't show love to us. Sometimes we want to give up and throw our hands up in the air. I am reminded daily that people didn't do that to me.

Last year for Mother's Day I was given a lemon tree. I saw nothing last year. I watered it and transplanted it three different times. The last couple weeks I have watched buds form and now blossom. But, one thing I have noticed, that all the buds won't blossom and all the blossoms won't turn into lemons and all the lemons won't grow big enough to eat and all the lemons that do may not be used and will rot. Definitely doesn't change the most incredible thing that I am watching take place. Just keep planting and let life take care of the rest and God will get the harvest that was planned along