IS THAT YOURS? WRITTEN BY BAMBI LYNN

This past July, I went back to Buffalo. I went back to see friends, have friendships restored, hug my grandbabies again, and do some marketing for the two books I have written, that is hard to believe, two books have been published with my name on it. Wow! What a bucket list dream come true. This journey has been magical and full of pinch me moments. But it also has been draining and sometimes feeling defeat.  I have experienced every emotion on this journey. I think that is why I call it a journey. One of my favorite books, "Hinds Feet and High Places "by Hannah Hurnard. The Allegory is about a deer, named, Much Afraid, she has to journey to places she has never been before. So many voices in her head telling her it is time to stop. The voices were trying to keep her from going forward, these voices were overtaking her, until she learned to listen to the small still voice that believed in her. Much Afraid learned to hear that voice. She learned she was safe in that voice, and she was secured as long as she followed that voice up to the top of the mountain, where Much Afriad saw her journey through the eyes of the still small voice. She looked at her journey with new eyes and not the eyes of the defeaters or the naysayers. Much Afraid was tattered from her journey but, she made it. She made it to the horizon and found beauty in the journey.

I see myself so much in this story. I find myself in her journey as it parallels with mine. I see the reflection of both of us in the mirror of our lives. I see the doubt and then the victory. I heard and sometimes still hear those voices in my head, That I can't do it and who do I think I am? Why do I think I am even worthy enough to walk this author journey or even my healing Journey?  I turn a corner and then another to run away from the voices, I cry to hear the still small voice. I have paused in my journey waiting for the words, "go on, you got this" Much Afraid didn't get to the mountain without some pitfalls and maybe some regrets. but she got there and so am I

When I was in Buffalo, I was asked to speak to a writer's group that one of my dear friends is part of. I was all excited to speak to other writers who are a passionate about putting their words to a paper and pen and write stories that penetrated the souls of their readers. It was an exciting time. Sitting around a table being asked questions and having answers and people nodding and listening to me.When I was done and the goodbyes were said and the thank Yous were expressed, I walked to the front desk and asked if someone would take me to the place where my first book," The Journey of Josephine", sat on their shelves. The Librarian walked with me through the shelves of many books and then stopped at where mine was part of all the books on the shelf. Amongst all those stories. Mine was in the middle of them all. I watch the librarian put her fingers along the sleeves of each book until.... She came upon mine.

What a moment, every part of my body shook, and my soul had arisen for this very occasion. My book was there with the greats. It was shelved for people to browse and see. I was the author of a book on the shelf in a library. I found my dreams and my bucket list check off on the shelf. I found my tears with the other books. I found the words of my English teacher," You have a gift Bambi" I asked for a picture but, pictures can't tell you the feeling of a seed that had grown into a book, a book that I wrote. There is nothing that prepares you for "God moments" Nothing can give you notice to stop and breathe because something great is about to happen.

During the Pandemic I hired a life coach. She was new and just received her license. We hit it off and had a great relationship together. She had given me an assignment of coming up with a word picture that would describe my struggles with goals and passion. Why my dreams, I was afraid to achieve. I thought about it for a couple of days and knew what I do and what my fear was. I saw that I love the preparation and the planning of something, Love the details of a gatherings and the excitement of party favors and the food we would have and how my table would look like. I love the purchasing and the browsing through amazon for the right decorations. But then the day everything comes together I flop. Like with gathering fireworks and when you are ready to let them off, I would put my hand over the fireworks because for some reason I thought it wasn't good enough. I would stop the grand finale because it could have been better, and someone could do it better than me. My life coach found that so profound and that is what we worked on. Believing in myself that I am good enough and that my talents are meant to be recognized and not be squashed by my doubt.

This takes me back to my favorite book, "Hinds feet in High Places" and my trip to the library on that day in Buffalo. This takes me to my dream and the words of an English teacher. This takes me back to the beach on my birthday, where I ask God, is it time, it takes me back to conversations I have had with some very dear friends, that would say, "it's time to write" this takes me back to the Librarians words, "is this your book?" 

Dreaming is God giving us a Sears Christmas book that we circle the things we want for Christmas. Dreams are the anticipation of Christmas morning wondering what gifts we circled would be under the tree. The dreams coming true are the unwrapped presents that we now hold as a treasure. My dreams have finally started coming true, not because I am anything special but, because I started believing, How Big is The Fathers Heart? His heart is big enough to remove my hand from the fireworks and watch the Finale of my hard work happen. 

Is this your book, The Librarian asked, I answer with all the emotion I could Muster up and with the biggest smile I could put on my face, and answer, yes this is my first book and many more to come. My father's heart is big enough for both of us. So, dream big!!