Just another word picture that God gave me on my very first cruise. We were docking at Princess Bay, A beautiful Island in the Caribbean. The ship was too big to dock on the island. So, we all had to take a ferry boat to get to beach. I was so excited to finally swim in the clear blue waters and spend the day at the beach. The Island was hot, I walked really fast to make sure we had chairs to sit on because they go really fast. The water was warm, and I was excited to get in.
The sand was pretty but the rocks you had to walk over in the water were deadly, they were sharp, and you didn't know when you were going to encounter them. To solve that problem, I purchased a floaty because I wasn't taking any chances of falling and hurting myself. I was just amazed and astonished that I was here and wanted to make sure I enjoyed every moment.
When I looked out to the ocean and saw the ship in the distance, I felt safe. There was something about the ship being in the distance that reminded me about God never leaving our side. How he doesn't invade us and hover over us. but is there in case and when we call on him. I love the sight of the ship sitting in the distance as much as I find comfort in knowing that God is only a prayer away.
Years ago, when I would think of God in my life, I thought of him as an angry God, if I did anything wrong, he would take the baseball bat that I thought was in the corner in my house, and want to bop me over the head, just in case I messed up. It was a hard way to live but I had no good example of men treating me with kindness. So, I drew from that experience. I tried really hard to be perfect in parenting, being a wife, a homemaker, and all the other things I had to perform. Every time when I tried harder, I would fall deeper into the pit of despair. I just wanted to make God proud and happy that he made me his child. What a way to live. no hope but, knowing God was the only hope I had but, he seemed so distant to me. I craved to know how he felt about me and to be safe as I felt on the Island with the ship overlooking all of us.
I set myself on a journey of knowing him. I had someone tell me one time what helped them, " until you get to know Jesus your brother, you will never know God your father" That statement brought life to me. I began a journey of understanding Jesus. I learned about his scars that he carried for me. I sought out the red letters in the Bible, I craved his attention as I experienced the same healing as the woman at the well and the woman with the issue of blood. I loved how Jesus treated women in the Bible and how women wanted to be around him because he taught them, they belonged. I began gradually seeing all the trinity as one in the same. My hurt started to dismiss, and I saw God as a good protector.
I know for me in my life I needed some softness from God, when I read the book," The Shack" I saw how God moves over his children, I experienced the three God heads in a way that brought healing to me. In the story, Mack had to learn to forgive things that were eating at him since he was a little boy. This book was able to show me a kind and loving God as a woman at first, and then masculine side when he knew that Mack needed that when He had to put his daughter to rest and forgive the serial killer that killed his daughter. When I read that story for the first time, I have now read and seen the movie over fifty times, I found freedom and forgiveness like I have never seen before. I saw God as a protector, the first time in many years and maybe the first time ever. I saw that God isn't a distant God but a God that looks off into the distant until we call him by name. That is why this boat reminded me of God.
The last fifteen years I have experienced a relationship with God that doesn't consist of fear, I know him now as a loving God. I have learned about his grace and continue to fall more on my knees because of who he is and know how he sees me and the protection that he has over me. There was comfort in knowing that the ship was in the distance. Made me feel like no one will be left behind. That ship isn't leaving until everyone is aboard. God is the same way as he wants none to perish. He is over us waiting and sending his son as our mediator and the Holy Spirit as the comforter; At the end of the day, I knew everything was going to be okay. The ship will have all its passengers, and we will sail again.
